My frame was not hidden from You
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in Your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are Your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you. Psalm 139

I love this verse. It is so comforting to know that God is in control and sovereign over our lives before we even are created. I find this comforting for myself when I feel forgotten or unseen by God and this verse gives me great peace in accepting the LORDs will for Nehemiah's life. 

Nehemiah, my sweet little love. It has been one year since you've been born. A year ago from tomorrow you entered the world and changed our lives forever. It was probably the best day of my life along with the day I married your daddy. The LORD gave us such excitement and peace the day you came into the world. There were so many unknowns, and yet the strongest feelings we had were just excitement on meeting our own little boy we had fallen in love with over the past nine months. We had waited and prayed and waited, and loved feeling your growth and kicks and we had finally made it to the day when we would get to hold you and look into your face and tell you we loved you so much. And we made it! By the LORDs grace you came into this world crying and full of life. Your daddy was with you every second as you were brought into the NICU, he didn't want to leave you for a moment. You were so perfect love, your sweet little fingers and face and toes. We loved every part of you and were so amazed that our son had arrived! Each day we had with you to learn about your little personality and to get to be your parents was beyond precious to us and stays in our hearts and minds everyday. We prayed over you for nine months and 19 days that the LORDs will would be done in your life and that you would be His and that you would glorify Him. We know He has answered. We are thankful He allowed us nine months and 19 days to be with you here on earth and we cannot wait to be with you in eternity. You will always be our son and we are thankful you are safe with the Father. We miss you every day love, you are forever imprinted on our hearts. We love you. -Mommy and daddy

"Losing your Life"

“He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it." Matt.10:39



"Last weekend I called a young woman who wrote to me after losing her firstborn son, who lived two days before dying in her arms. His genetic abnormality is likely to repeat itself in future children she and her husband may have.' I want to be a mother,' she wrote to me. 'I want to have purpose and meaning in my life. I want to move on with whatever God has for me- but I don't know how to do any of these things. How do I mourn the possibility that I will never have a child of my own, when that has been my heart's greatest desire for as long as I can remember?'
'Your son has given you an incredible gift,' I told this grieving mom.'He has given you the gift of being forced to reconsider the very purpose of your life. Those who are sailing through a comfortable life at this point have not yet been forced to carefully consider their lives and surrender their dreams. But because you have been shaken to the core, you see clearly that if you cling to your own plans and desires, you will never discover the freedom and joy found in losing your life for Jesus.'
'Master Jesus, I'm afraid of what may happen and what I may have to surrender if I give up my life for You. Give me eyes of faith to see how beautiful and satisfying my life will be as I die to myself and live for You.'" 
-Taken from "One Year Book of Hope" by Nancy Guthrie

Though He slay me, I will hope in Him-Job 13:15

The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.-Job 1:21


What more can we say? We have cried out and He has answered. He has done what is right and what is good and what is wise. Not what I have wanted. Losing our sweet boy, our little love, has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced. Holding my baby as he slowly slipped away was the most agonizing thing I have ever walked through. Yet, it wasn't. The LORD was with us. In the pain we had peace and strength. 
I have wrestled with the why. I have cried out for Nehemiah's life since around week 20 of pregnancy. We have cried out, our friends, our families have cried out, has the LORD not heard? But as I've gotten some time to reflect, I see the LORD answering prayer all around us. We have given thanks for the sweet time we had with Nehemiah, we thank God for each moment, each hour we had for those 19 precious days. Each time we got to hold him and marvel at his tiny parts. To look into his eyes and to cherish him. We thank God for taking him quickly, for not allowing him to suffer. We thank Him for making our time with Nehemiah joyful and sweet even with all of the unknowns. We thank God that we were able to be with him as he slipped away. We were able to sing hymns of praise and of comfort and to pray over Nehemiah as he climbed from our arms into the arms of our great and loving Father. Yes, are hearts are broken. Yes, we wake up at night just wanting to hold our sweet boy again.  But we also have peace and assurance that this was God's will for our baby boy and we are so thankful our lives do not end here. We are made for eternity. Nehemiah will never cease to be. We will see him again. And the most glorious, we will be before the LORD worshiping Him for eternity together! We live for the day that we will behold the glory of the Lamb that was slain! May He be praised! Blessed be the name of the LORD.

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words."-1Thess. 4:13-18